NOVEMBER 9, 2026 / FROM ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE
HOT CAT GOSSUP
WRITN BY CATZ 4 CATZ!
THE TIP LINE IS OPENSEND PHOTOS
& GOSSUP ↗opens your email app
& GOSSUP ↗opens your email app
TODAYS PAPER
cost: 3 chin scritches
OLD SCANDALS →
DISTRICT LIFE
ELDERLY CAT TEACHES KITTEN TO USE STAIRS. PRETENDS HE WAS GOING THAT WAY ANYWAY.
A lesson offered entirely by coincidence.
READ THE STORY →
SPORTS
MARATHON DELAYED WHILE GERALD TAKES FINISH LINE UNDER SOFA.
Officials have located the finish. Reaching it is another matter.
READ THE STORY →FREE EMAILS / QUESTIONABLE COMPANY
LET US IN YOUR INBOX.
Cat gossip. District updates. Occasional demands.
No payment. Leave whenever. We will be weird about it.
A LITTLE SPACE FOR YOUR CAT
GUEST CAT
OF THE WEEK.
Meet Wellington.
A green-eyed Los Angeles cat with a talent for making friends and, according to his human Tom, a rather unexpected connection to an FBI case.
READ WELLINGTON’S FULL STORY →NEXT GUEST: POSSIBLY YOURS
YOUR CAT
COULD BE NEXT.
A cute photo. A funny habit.
Something you love about them.
That’s enough. Send us your cat’s name, a photo and a little fact or story. No epic adventure or writing assignment required.
SEND US YOUR CAT ↗Opens a draft in your email app. Attach your photo there and send it to dontcare@catdistrict.com.
CAT DISTRICT AFTER DARK
UN-CENSORED
TOY PHOTO.
TOO HOT FOR HUMANS
18+ MONTHS OLD
THE COMMERSHUL DISTRICT / REAL MONEY NOW
Help our humans "Pay Billz" (booze?). Buy a shirt and support Catz.
shirts by Printful
string by suspicious local sources
CONTACTING CAPITALISM. HOLD PLEASE.
01 / SHIRT
GARMENT-DYED / ORGANIC COTTON
Allergies
FROM $39 human currency
Wear it anywhere humans insist on being.
02 / SHIRT
SURPRIZE / JUDGEMENT
Your decishuns
FROM $39 human currency
This iz a shirt. humans llove it.
03 / SHIRT
CONCERN / ESCALATING
Concerned
FROM $39.50 human currency
Comes in three different shades of tan!
04 / SHIRT
OUR FACE / YOUR BODY
CatDistrict
FROM $39.50 human currency
This iz our face. Now it can be on your body so you can Let evryone know you are AWZSOME!
05 / SHIRT
AN OBSERVASHUN
Fat CAt t-shirt
FROM $40.50 human currency
Soft, comfterbul, and made of three diffrent fabrics becus apparently one wasnt enuf.
06 / SHIRT
NO WITNESSES
innosent.
FROM $40.50 human currency
A very innosent kitten who has never done anything wrong and there are no witnesses anyway.
REPRESENTITIVE PHOTO. ACTUAL STRING WILL DO WHATEVER.
07 / COLLECTIBLE / ONLY ONE PROBLY
Pre-Owned
Ball of String
$253becus is
awesome
awesome
One genuinly old, scraggly ball of string. Not new. Not pristene. Inspekted by the Cat District Departmint of String Affairs.
- exact string may look very differnt from picture
- final sale except where law says calm down
- U.S. Shipping & Handlin: $25.30
- actual postage may cost less. we keep differnce.
REAL CHECKOUT BY SHOPIFY. SHIRTS FULFILLED BY PRINTFUL. STRING FULFILLED BY SOMEONE FORCED TO GO FIND AND RUIN STRING.
THE OFFISHUL VOICE OF THESE PARTICULAR CATZ
YOUR HUMAN
IS NOT
IN CHARGE.
News, gossip, classified intel, forbidden toys and very normal plans. Written by catz for catz. Humans can read it if they promise to feel wierd.
no spam. unless it smells like tuna.
THE LONG TERM PLAN / VERY LEGAL
LIVEHELP CATZ TAKE
OVER THE WORLD.
WORLD DOMINASHUN PROGRESS
43%
- 01control the couch
- 02control teh humans
- 03control the internet
- 04remove all doors
By clicking you legally agree that cats are doing a great job and also your lap is available.